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  • Writer's pictureNikolis Clark

Finding Myself Again: Be The Worm

Updated: Jan 31, 2023

In the last couple years I have really struggled to find exactly who I am. It felt as if I knew, and then I suddenly didn't anymore. I felt, as I would describe as if I was trapped within a cocoon. In the December of 2021 I was watching "The Last Dance" and it all really clicked when I discovered for the first time, The Worm.

It didn’t have anything to do with basketball. It had to do with this love that I wanted, and it suddenly just left me. - Dennis Rodman

I do not have the time to fully discuss the history of Dennis Rodman, but what I can gleam is that something about his look on life changed between his suicide attempt in 1993 and the Dennis Rodman we know today. The Worm found himself and I was really inspired by that. I had struggled to find myself for so long and it finally hit me. I had been working so hard to be what everyone wanted me to be that I lost touch with who I wanted to be.

I wanted to create, express myself, and be loved for who I am. The first step was finding out how to love myself again first. Time under COVID had eaten away at the ME that I was. I lost my spirit and with it gone, I became a shell of who I was. I lost my way, and with that I started to hurt the relationships I had in my life. I used to write poetry all the time, work on scripts and short stories, I was a story teller, a real rebel. I was obsessed with the likes of Hunter S. Thompson, David Foster Wallace, and other pained unique individuals.

Yet, I felt as though I was losing something chasing after these perceived "martyrs of art". I wasn't finding myself, I was losing myself. That is where "Be The Worm" comes in my personal moto for 2022. For me it isn't about getting dunks, its about getting the ball back in my hands. It about turning control back over to myself and perpetuating my own agency. Its about trying my best to get control my own destiny. Being creative without being self-destructive. The reason that it is be The Worm and not be Dennis is because Dennis himself couldn't be creative without being self-destructive. Be

Don't let what other people think decide who you are - Dennis Rodman

your own agent of change. Chase after you dreams, and find the sustainable path towards bettering yourself. We often put so much emphasis on being the person that others want us to be that we lose touch with who we want us to be. Stop living a life dictated others and start living life for you, if other people can't understand then reevaluate your relationships.

Finding myself again has been a long a difficulty journey, but I hope that my experience in doing so can bear fruit. Growing is about breaking unhealthy patterns, and developing new ones, but it's also understand that struggle and ease aren't on the same axis as healthy and unhealthy. Doing what is easy is not always doing what is healthy, and sometimes just because times are tough doesn't mean that you should be dissuaded. Rarely is anything really worth fighting for easy. The big misconception is that going against the grain is always wrong. We all make choices in our lives, ones we can be proud of and some we regret, but the most important thing is that we make those choices and the voices around us don't make them for us. So be The Worm, take the ball back.

I go out there and get my eyes gouged, my nose busted, my body slammed. I love the pain of the game. - Dennis Rodman
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